Destiny and Philosophical Stuff Like That

In the aftermath of the fire, and every negative set back, I stop and think. A lot.  What is this trying to teach me?  What am I supposed to learn from this?  And I ponder the $232 million dollar question: Why me? Why NOW? Why, after blank, blank and blank?

Our bankruptcy, for example.  Or losing a job.  I can tell you that these two events brought about a great humbling.  We will never again "expect" to have and keep a job.  Mr. Valentine realizes that he'll need to work his butt off to find and keep future jobs.  Not to say he didn't work hard in the past, because he did.  But there was that expectation that he deserved his job.  We now realize that having a job is a privilege, it's not something we're owed.  Having a home is also a privilege. 

After events we've both endured in our lives, we feel more compassion. For those who cannot find work...our hearts go out to those who cannot support their families, though they try hard to.  We understand how people can get into terrible debt due to medical bills.  We relate to those who have foreclosed on their homes.  We feel the gratefulness of being alive after a fire.  The sadness for others who have suffered loses during a fire.  These sorts of life events change us. 

We make the choice to let life events and tragedy's change us for the better, even though they seem terrible at the time.  That's our choice.  Maybe that's the only way some victims of terrible tragedies (and I'm not putting myself in the same category because I know my trials are trivial in comparison of some) seem so together.  So at peace.  Maybe the reason they seem so "OK", for lack of better words, is because they realize THEY HAVE THE CHOICE TO LET IT CHANGE THEM FOR THE BETTER.  Some, understandably, have a more difficult time with this.  It's not an easy thing.  And I'm not pretending to be a psychologist, so I can't say I know everything.  This is just the only reason I, no scholar, can come up with for why some people seem to handle crisis and hardships better than others.  Why the same sort of tragedy can leave one person on the street homeless and on drugs and another person seems to thrive later in life.  

Maybe it's a matter of faith.  Maybe it's a matter of where you live.  We certainly live in a land of opportunity, more so than many have around the world.  How exactly does a family of five in India pick up and move to find a new job when they don't have a car, food and limited clothing?   

Here are some interesting (possible) answers Mr. Valentine and I come up with after having these sorts of intellectual discussions. 

Maybe it was supposed to happen and we're supposed to learn something.

Maybe it would have happened regardless of who was living in the house or when.  It was an old home with old wiring.  Maybe we AREN'T supposed to learn anything.  Maybe this JUST HAPPENED and we were JUST protected (and I say JUST in a way that doesn't mean "just" of course, because just=getting out alive which I do not take for granted for a second! I am so thankful for our lives). 

Maybe someone needed to gain from hearing our story.  Or our stories.  Maybe it will help others in some way.

Maybe we will meet someone who needs...something, anything because of the events that happen in our lives.

Maybe we will learn something.  Maybe, somehow, this will help us get ahead in the long run.  Maybe we needed to get out of our home because something worse was about to happen in that neighborhood near our home. 

Maybe, and this is an interesting idea, we need these trials now because the world will be a tougher place for our children.  Maybe we need to learn strength and how to get through things together so we can teach our children to do the same. 

I don't know the answer.  But I am grateful for everything I have in my life.  I often daydream about life in other situations.  In my daydreams, I'm NOT always rich.  Instead I quite often let myself ponder what life is like for the 5 year old child in a third world country who has to work or not eat that day because they lost their parents.  For the sufferers of such events as the Holocaust.  What must life have been like for them?  Innocent children who suffered?  A seemingly never ending amount of suffering for....what? Surely they must ponder the "why me?" question. 

What is most unfortunate is the victim who doesn't have the esteem to even ask "why me?" and instead doesn't know life any differently.  They expect to be treated in such a way that they feel they deserve the hardships.  Childhood victims of abuse and poverty. 

Not a day goes by that I don't thank Heavenly Father for all I have and feel truly blessed.  Even with the trials we've gone through, it's nothing compared to some.  And, I truly FEEL rich, even if I've now got less than $1000 in my checking account.  Hey, $1000 is an annual income for some.  We've truly got it good. 

Daily Gratitudes:

1. My husband tries to make things fun even during hard times.

2. I don't have my hormone medicine in hand yet, but hey, at least I have hormones.  

3. I found a second sippy cup for my son. This means far less questioning and interrogating on my part ("where did your one and only sippy cup go?", "don't lose it this time!")

4. My two year old told me there were ants on the floor near my daughters makeshift floor-bed.  ALL OVER THE PLACE!  The floor is dark, I probably wouldn't have seen them until they'd gotten on her!

5. I have a running minivan. And even though it doesn't have air conditioning, and it's 90 degrees outside, I smile as we drive, knowing at least we can get somewhere. 

Comments

[JaeJay]

I think that you are going to be fine, because you have some excellent answers to some very tough questions. I admire you being able to find the positive, or the silver lining as you go through this tough time.